Hi Reader,

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It has been a minute or two since I've shown up here. (Unless you're new and just finished the welcome series, in which case...lucky you!)

One excuse is that I've been busy. But I also just haven't felt like writing. There's a certain vulnerability required to present myself authentically, and I haven't had the heart or energy for it.

It's been a year, you know? I've experienced a ton of change and strain, and I'm plain old wiped out by it all. There have been more than a few days where I've just been trying to keep it together from moment to moment. Everything felt hard.

Lately, Marc and I have talked and prayed a lot about being accountable and taking ownership of what we can. When we don't do this, it's easy to bemoan forces outside our control, hoping "faithfully" that God will rescue us from our circumstances.

But I see now that He's rescuing us through them, not from them.

One example: our finances. (Hang with me here.) We've lived pretty comfortably for the last 14 years on Marc's income plus some loose change I brought in. We mostly stayed out of debt, but we also tended to spend money when we had it. We didn't have a long-term plan other than we hoped our family business would do well and we wouldn't worry about it. 😬

As the business declined over the past 18 months or so, we weren't prepared. Long story short, we had to get really honest about our priorities and our responsibility to live them out.

Now we have an actual plan. Even if our situation changes and the plan goes sideways, we're clear about our priorities and will adjust accordingly.

This is simple enough to write about in hindsight, but it has been humbling and painful to walk through. We had to go through it to take a better direction. Ultimately our marriage is stronger and we're living more faithfully with the resources God has given us.

This is just one area of my life where I've had to confront hard truths recently. There have been others (work, church, parenting, family, pick a card). I don't have a neat and tidy lesson I can pull out of every situation.

But I do see a process. It involves staggering through grief and its companions like anger and despair. It involves taking inventory. It involves honesty and hard conversations. It involves forgiveness and letting go. And it involves taking small steps forward each day, each week, each month, even when you take a tumble back.

Ultimately it's just the day-to-do reality of following Jesus.

Gaining wisdom is downright hard. This passage rings truer every day: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you" (James 1:2-5).

Whether you're grieving, taking inventory, making tough calls, surrendering, or anything else, I offer you a high five in solidarity. You're doing it. Keep at it. Give yourself space to process. Take ownership of your decisions. Let go of what's not yours to claim. Some things will never make sense and that can be infuriating. Yet wisdom will come.

Some questions to ponder/pray about:

• What's one situation in your life creating inner turmoil?
• How are you processing it right now? Are you grieving? Taking ownership? Letting go? Something else? It can be more than one thing at a time.
• What decision can you make today? It's okay if you decide to just be.
• If you're ready, is there a goal you can work towards that will help you? How can you break it down into baby steps?

I'm cheering you on and walking with you,

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